Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing turns out wrong

How did I know it was going to be a bad day? Was my first inkling when I found myself in the dollar store standing in line only to realize after a minute or two that I hadn't found anything I'd wanted, that I didn't need to be in line?

I certainly should have suspected it when I decided to try on a pair of "skinny jeans." I thought at the time it was funny. I was thinking of the top ten reasons why I shouldn't buy skinny jeans. I only got to seven. Which is supposed to be lucky.

7. I'm not skinny...
6. ...but my wallet is.
5. The holes in my other jeans aren't that bad.
4. I shouldn't go around trying to look like a teenager, not that I'd be fooling anybody.
3. I had trouble squeezing the pant legs over my muscular calves.
2. In the mirror from the belly button to my ankles? Light bulb-shaped.
1. When I tried to pull the pant legs off back over my muscular calves I fell backwards and pulled a back muscle.

Soon after I got home the phone rang. It was Janet's school teacher. At this point I should have known it was going to be a bad day, but I'd gotten teacher phone calls before, they were usually manageable. Apparently Janet had been saying things that bothered her friends. She's got good friends  because instead of avoiding her, they wanted to solve the problem. The three friends got together with the teacher to decide what to do. They asked Janet why she kept on saying weird things. They never told the teacher what it was. Janet agreed to try to stop. She admitted that it might be hard.

After I hang up I talk with Janet. What had she said that bothered her friends?

"Asshole."
"Well, um, did you call them assholes?"
"No."
"Did you say to them 'so and so is an asshole?'"
"No."
"Well, how exactly did you say it?"
"Just 'asshole.' It just slipped out."

Oy. Last week she'd told me that a second grader was wearing a Justin Bieber fan shirt. She turned to the girl and said, "Why don't you just kiss his butt!" The girl's mom bawled her out, and Janet had come home in tears. She was really confused because she didn't know why she'd said it. She said, "I felt like I wasn't on my medicine, but I was." Janet takes ADHD meds which usually curb her impulsiveness.

Great. Anyway, I google it, and sure enough there's a link between ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome. Apparently, it often can kick in during puberty. Like all my adopted, transgender, ADHD daughter needs is another complication. Like all my laid-off, struggling to survive financially, stressed out family needs is more stuff to lose sleep over.

I call a friend to cry. I cry a little. Soon after, another friend returns my phone call. I'm standing on the front porch watching Ted play basketball when she calls. Things were looking up. I'd spoken with one good friend, and now another pal from childhood was reaching out.

Danger! Remember? You're having a bad day!

Face scrunched up, the neighbor screams over at us, "You didn't listen to us! We asked you to stop playing basketball and it's wrecking our lawn and pachysandra! My kids played at the high school, yours can too." Which misses the point that I can keep my eye on them when they're playing, it keeps them off the computer, and it keeps them from bickering. Flustered I say, "When George quits smoking!" "He did last April!" Woops. Even more lame I say, "We can still smell it!" Huh? Now I'm just an idiot. "Well, you're welcome to build a fence," I suggest, belatedly. That's what I was supposed to say in the beginning. Something about, "There is case-law on incidental overlap of property. If the neighbor wants to protect his property then it is incumbent upon him to put up a fence or net to stop encroachment."

We go inside and the kids are all worked up. A siren wails in the background and Janet is convinced the cops are coming to get us. Thanks a lot, neighbor, like that girl needs more to be scared about. She regularly has nightmares about her orphanage days.

It's not over yet. Matt pulls up. We regularly get 10 half gallons of milk from a Trenton dairy because it saves us tons of money (read $1.39/half gallon of lactose-free vs. $4.00/half gallon times 10 cartons). Somehow, on the way home, a carton has leaked inside the car, drenching the seat. Matt and I are looking at the instructions and grunting, trying to pry the seat out of the van but it is stuck, maybe rusted. As I reach my hand under the seat my arm is getting soaked with milk which, apparently, has saturated through to the bottom of the seat. Just as I finally release the mechanism, Janet screams.

She and Ted had been playing chase, something that happens more when they can't play a regulated game like, I don't know, say basketball? Ted runs over saying "Janet's really hurt!" We rush over as we hear her cry out. Janet had tripped off the sloping edge of the property and landed smash on the pavement. An scraped arm, a bump on the head. All that girl needs...

Time to go to bed. Before I head up I shut the curtains on the neighbor's side. Suddenly I don't want them peering into our house, our lives.

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day...

from "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter