The dance

When Kyle and Aiden were little they gave the best "Mommy!" hugs of the whole pre-school. Really. At 11:30 each morning I'd wait outside the school.  I'd get down on one knee and they'd hurtle out the doors, running into my arms. Later, when kindergarten started I was ousted--they were trying to figure out how to be cool in school--but in first, or certainly by second, they went back to rushing me, hugging me, almost knocking me down throughout their elementary school days. Those days were gone, but I still had my sweet grinning boys. Even last fall Kyle would walk by, squeeze my shoulders and say "Love ya, Mom!" I didn't know my days were numbered.

One winter evening I was driving to Modell's with Kyle to get new wrestling shoes and knee pads. (Both soon became useless after Osgood-Schlatter--a knee condition affecting many a teen--kicked in and kicked him out of practice and meets, but that's another story.) On the drive over to the sports store, he ducked his head, hand over his eyes and said under his breath, "Mom, I should have told you this sooner. I feel so bad. It's just, I thought you'd be mad at me.....I have a girlfriend!" I nodded, playing it cool. Heck, he was only in 7th grade! "She's real nice, she's not like some other girls, she's real." He showed me pictures on his cell phone. He was so sweet and dopey. I was thrilled I'd gotten to drive him over alone to the store, one-on-one time with my children are  few and far between, yet always worth it. The next day he came over to me in tears. She'd broken up with him by text message.

He'd been dating her a month and I felt a saddened that I hadn't gotten to share the joy he'd experienced during that period. I only got one day! It's not that I'm thrilled that he's dating, it's just I'd like to be in on his enthusiasm.

Fast forward six months. The next time Kyle had a girlfriend I found out by reading somebody else's facebook page. He never mentioned it. In so many ways he has changed. To been-there-done-that parents, this will hardly come as a shock. Our kind, considerate, sensitive, affectionate boy had in six months turned into what seemed like a callous, selfish, materialistic teen. Or is that redundant? Barely home, he rides on his bike throughout town on those silly little stunt bikes. How do they get leverage when they're eating their knees? He forgets to call, and if he shows up for dinner at all he brings four friends. It's essential every night that he has a sleepover with a horde of boys, but never offers to help when his friends are over. It's always important that he have money but thinks I'm clueless when I suggest saving some when he has it.

I'd been trying to clean up the basement to temporarily house this smelly throng of boys. After much goading, I had the boys and their friends downstairs moving tools and shelves, clearing the floor. In my mind we'd straighten the whole basement, paint the floors and/or walls, make the basement look good or at least as tolerable as possible. We had barely cleared a space in front of the 40" projection screen TV we'd found on a curb before they'd grabbed any old kitchen chairs, sat in front of it and started playing x-box. I shuttled them aside to mop the floors and throw down a rug, but soon was shooed away. At least it's easy to please them.

Today Kyle and two friends ran into the house. "We found a cool couch with two reclining seats on the curb! It would be boss in the basement!" I was pleased they'd shown some initiative. They wanted to all jump in the car, but how could we fit the couch in? Instead they would escort me by bike. I drove slowly behind the three weaving and bobbing figures. They rode standing the entire time. Their bodies were so strong and lithe and beautiful. Even as I winced when we turned a corner and they spread out spanning the road--rather than prudently staying to the right--I was stunned by the graceful dance they unwittingly performed in front of me. Those little bikes no longer seemed so stupid. (The low seats, I've learned, have a purpose, too. They protect their privates from getting banged when doing tricks.)

Later that evening Kyle and I drove to Modell's to get some socks. We chatted idly, but it was hard to bring back the sweet evening of last January. As we arrived the store doors shut, as did those of the sneaker shop down the block. We ended up in Kohl's where I got wrapped up in picking out a pair of shoes for myself. On the way out Kyle was pleased. He ended up with some shorts and a bathing suit as well as new socks.

Outside I stopped, stunned. The sky was deep navy blue, still lighter at the horizon. A star or two, or probably a planet, shone extra bright in the sky. To the left the almost-full moon shone white between clouds. Crickets were starting up a racket. "Kyle, stop, look!" I could imagine how it might feel to be outside every night, roaming the streets in the summer air. Before we could talk, his cell phone rang. I urged him to get off, but it was his brother calling from his Grandma's. Then mine rang and my youngest needed me at home. The moment was gone.