One minute, I'm over it...

...the next minute I feel the opposite.      Spectrum, Animal Liberation Orchestra

When I'm not over it, it's often because of the responses I get from others. These days they are few and far between, but occasionally a comment comes from left field. I understand that people don't always get it. Insofar as that is the case, we, as experienced parents have the opportunity to educate and by doing so, make the world a safer place. Sometimes I do just that. Other times I am miffed. Who are these people questioning a proscribed diagnosis? When I tell others my child is transgender (which I rarely do anymore) they think that means I'm inviting debate, or worse, opening myself up for the possibility that my child is actually not transgender. (By the way, Google speller still thinks "transgender" is not a word.)

Think about it. Imagine I tell you my child has ankylosing spondylitis, a form of arthritis. You feel you know this is ridiculous, since children don't get arthritis. You tell me you don't believe it and try to convince me that the diagnosis is wrong. If you take any initiative, which most people won't, you search Wikipedia for the term and see no mention of children, which is then your proof that my child couldn't possibly have arthritis. You are more than satisfied that I am mistaken, or even misguided. Had you searched juvenile arthritis, you would have found you were wrong.

Why is it that when I say my child is transgender I get responses like:

I've been in survivors of rape and incest groups and have sat with people for hours (the group commitment was taken very seriously) for years talking about some really deep weird sexual stuff but never that. My first thought; I am--not what I think you'd want to read--very, very skeptical.

To be fair, this guy outright said that he's coming from a "I'm trying to understand kinda way," which is better than most skeptics. This is a mild example since he didn't seem to be judging me. Did you notice, though, that he connected being transgender with "some really deep weird sexual stuff?" Let me be clear, being transgender has nothing with sexuality: who you are is different than who--and what versions of sex--you like. My main problem, though, is that he told me he probably didn't believe me. Had I asked him?

When thinking about it, why would people assume that the diagnosis was come upon lightly? Are we so naive that we would have done no research? Wouldn't a parent with a child with arthritis read pages and pages of literature, figuring out as much as they can, as well as possible treatment and cures? After our extensive research, and after a diagnosis from a psychological expert, we have come to the conclusion that our child's life is at risk if we do not let her to live as the girl she really is. We did not ask you whether you thought it was a good idea, and definitely did not ask you to help us make a "better" decision.

These days I try not to engage; I instead direct people to TransYouth Family Allies, especially to their media page. If at some point you, my audience, face skeptics, I encourage you to do the same.

My motto is educate, and when fed up, delegate.