When the going gets tough, transkids keep going. What choice do they have? A transboy we met at the Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference, we'll call him Charlie, had some sad tidings. He was invited to a friend's birthday party. Charlie's mom takes the approach to tell parents of friends of her son that he's trans, and so had a talk with the friend's mom. In this case I'm a proponent of "don't ask don't tell," or none of your damn business! Still, there's no manual and we each choose our own paths.
Fortunately the friend's mom was cool with it. Later that evening, though, the father called and said, while they love him, they "have to look out for their son's best interest and having a relationship with Charlie is not in the picture. Charlie is sinning and you as his parents need to have more leadership in raising him." Charlie, heart broken, was told he could at least keep the presents he'd bought for his friend. Cold consolation. His mom was bewildered thinking that they all were Christians, and Christians are supposed to be compassionate. My experience is that while a good majority of religious people are very compassionate, agnostics and atheists are consistently accepting. Strange, huh? When Charlie complained on facebook, Janet, 11, wrote to him,
There's hope, though, if at least Janet's taken my message to heart. Even if she can't act on it just now, she gets it at some level. And so, with glad tidings, I wish you all hope for your children, for the ones you love, including yourselves.
Fortunately the friend's mom was cool with it. Later that evening, though, the father called and said, while they love him, they "have to look out for their son's best interest and having a relationship with Charlie is not in the picture. Charlie is sinning and you as his parents need to have more leadership in raising him." Charlie, heart broken, was told he could at least keep the presents he'd bought for his friend. Cold consolation. His mom was bewildered thinking that they all were Christians, and Christians are supposed to be compassionate. My experience is that while a good majority of religious people are very compassionate, agnostics and atheists are consistently accepting. Strange, huh? When Charlie complained on facebook, Janet, 11, wrote to him,
"Hey Charlie, I know how that feels and life is like this so u have to get over this situation and be strong and confident. I know how that could be hurtful and I am trans but that never happened to me. But if you have recess you could see him in school or join a club and see him at the club or something like that...but i feel bad so I am going to say be strong and try to find more new friends and stand up for your self and tell people that u are proud being transgender and be happy with life."What strikes me is that she urges him to be strong, not dwell on friendships that don't work and be proud, while she rarely follows this advice herself. Actually, her advice sounds like what I've given her when she loses friends. When this happens she wails for hours like a child bereaved of a parent, which, being adopted, she really is. She tells Charlie that it hasn't happened to her, but while not directly, I suspect it's why friends have dropped her. In one case she heard a friend's mom say over the phone, "You are not allowed to go to Janet's house and you have to stop going to the library club where you see her," without saying why.
There's hope, though, if at least Janet's taken my message to heart. Even if she can't act on it just now, she gets it at some level. And so, with glad tidings, I wish you all hope for your children, for the ones you love, including yourselves.
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