Sunday, January 30, 2011
To those who thinks it's a choice...
...or that we've been negligent parents, forcing a normal curiosity into a switch of genders, or worse, are at fault for even letting her act and dress "like a girl." Then why did my child sob all weekend by the phone, waiting for anyone to call? Who would ask for this, or push somebody into this? Each new friendship lasts a few days, until they realize it is social suicide to hang with my daughter. Were it not for her camp friends, I don't know what she'd do.
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Your choice as a mother to love, support and cherish your daughter's happiness I'm sure has been a difficult one for your family.
ReplyDeleteOlder trans women sometimes forget how difficult it is to transition at such a young age. We think about the tremendous amount of shame, self-hatred, and the heart breaking loneliness we suffered through our childhood.
As a young trans child, I had no friends and was socialized ostracized as well. The difference was that I couldn't understand why I was so different. I couldn't understand why I was the only one like me in the world. Eventually that turned in a cancerous self-hatred.
The difficulties your daughter faces are hard. But she's a tough cookie. She doesn't crumble easily. Trans girls and trans women get to be pretty good at taking the hard knocks our lives throw at us. Having beautiful and amazing parents to hold her when she cries helps sooo much!!
She will never suffer as much as older generations. I choose to finally accept myself at age 22 after a lifetime of misery. Your daughter won't ever have to count her suicide attempts. The past 9 years have been the best in my life. In a sense, I'm only 9 years old.
I guess the only suggestions I'd have to helping her thrive in school is to relocate to another place and another school and to follow the non-disclosure protocol as Kim Pearson has outlined, where only the principal and school nurse are aware of her medical condition. And her school record is kept in a locked file cabinet in the principal's office.
Aside from that, the only other option is to relocate to a major city where they have special schools for lgbt children like NYC. I don't think that's a good option for anyone as it closes you off to the rest of the world.
The last option is to stay where you are, and try your best to help her handle the pain of social ostracization.
best of luck to you and stay strong,
Abby
Abby,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words. While I feel like life is so hard for Janet, I imagine it would be even harder to be all alone through your formative years, as you have. Kudos to you for breaking free!
Your sharing is very important to me, as I'm sure it is to the blog's readers.
I will be considering other school options for my daughter, but moving is out of the question for now at least. I'm thinking of private school if she can get a scholarship.
Thanks,
Meg