Gender fears

My blog was recently found by the search terms "transgender child ruin my life." Ouch. Yet I can relate to the sentiment, at least as far as a first response to what feels like an overwhelming situation. But why? Our fears and stress in this case are primarily based on our worries about "what people will think." Let's consider this. People's reactions aren't proscribed, they are shaped by the cultural norms of society at any given location and period of time.
Imagine, if you will, a society less concerned about a binary gender, one more comfortable with a spectrum of gender behaviors. In fact perception of gender difference varies by regions around the world, and there are some communities that are more accepting than others. For example, on the website,  GenderSpectrum.org (which is an amazing resource, check it out!) the Understanding Gender page lists three such societies:

The calabai and calalai of Indonesia, two-spirit Native Americans, and the hijra of India all represent more complex understandings of gender than the simplistic model seen in the west.

Even Iran sanctions gender reassignment surgery (if not homosexuality.) If we step back and think of children expressing any aspect of their identity, without taking into account societal norms, there is only joy in it. (Since I first posted I have found a link to a fascinating map linked to a film project called Two Spirits/A Map of Gender-Diversity.)

While our life has been thrown in turmoil, with the adoption, handling an ADHD child, and gender identity, ultimately we are responsible for how we respond to any given stress. A child can't ruin your life, but you can choose to be in misery by responding only with distress to their situations, by not endeavoring to move on from your initial anxieties. When thoughts of self-pity wiggle into my conscience I remember a parent of a 7 year old I saw at the beach when my children were only 10 months old. Her child was ready to have a tantrum and the mother said, "This is one of those times when you can choose your mood." The child, surprisingly, moved on. It was way more fun to be happy then to be upset by sand stuck to her legs.


Final thoughts:

On Children

Lyrics by Khalil Gibran, Music by Ysaye M. Barnwell

Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself
They come through you but they are not from you and though they are with you
They belong not to you
You can give them your love but not your thoughts
They have their own thoughts
You can house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit not even in your dreams
You can strive to be like them
But you cannot make them just like you
Strive to be like them
But you cannot make them just like you

Also, here's a great article about how one school taught children gender diversity in animals and humans:

Redwood Heights gender lesson engenders dissent