On the verge

Janet and I have been waiting 19 months for the results from a bone-age study which was supposed to determine onset of puberty. We both have our reasons. Janet can't wait for puberty because she wants something up top. Plain and simple. I don't think she even knows she'll get hips, too, and some extra padding. Being a girl to her means going to Kohl's and picking out a bra and most of all, needing it. When I think of her classmates, almost all of them have started developing or at least fatty tissue masquerading their development.


I have been waiting anxiously for the results so I can figure out how to brace myself for the medical and social hurdles of puberty as well as the convoluted steps we'll need to pursue to find a doctor willing to prescribe hormone replacement therapy. Rewind. I'm not being honest here, I also can't wait for Janet's body to start changing. Then she'll look more normal.

Imagine the scene. My daughter sits smiling in front of me in her Disney Princess nightgown which she is too old for (she'll tell you) but still wears. She swings her long, almost-black hair, proud of the few caramel high-lights she acquired by saving her money carefully as well as by charming the pants off the hair-colorist who added some extra foils for free. She asks me to check her flea bites, the ones she has 'cause the cat sleeps on her bed. As she lifts her gown I am shocked to see the image of a sweet girl in pajamas sitting in front of me morph into that of a boy with a hard chiseled body. Of all my male-bodied children, hers is the most masculine. Not an ounce of fat and clear muscle definition.  Her broad shoulders taper like a body-builder's into a narrow waist. I can't lie. This image can sometimes freak me out. I want her to be normal. Not that any of us are. I just want our family to have typical teenager puberty be the worst of our worries.

Well, I finally finagled the results of the x-ray from the doctor almost two years later. The x-ray taken when my child was then 9 and a half years show that her bones are those of .....drum roll, please.....a 10 year old child, give or take 9 months.Wow, that helps.
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I wrote this a while a go, and I guess never posted it. This summer the doctor has seen a change. We're looking at reaching Tanner Stage 2 (when blockers or hormones are introduced) within the year. We are on the verge. This has the potential to be exciting and scary. When she gets breasts, will people assume she's stuffing her bra? If they see they're real will they think she's more of a freak?

I've fought for Janet in the school system, I've struggled to keep my marriage together through this, I've commiserated with Janet as her friends have disappeared. My new battle--there always is one--is to get the proper medical care at the right time. The doctor most willing to help is in Maryland, and Janet's insurance doesn't cover out of state doctors or even prescriptions. Well, we had a local endo who agreed, then may be backing down. It seems none want to be responsible in case they are later blamed. For what? Abusing a child? I'll keep you posted.